An Epic Love story..

April, the busiest part of the year. She could not believe she had let her friend set her up on a blind date. 'Nothing serious, she was told. Just go out & have dinner with him. Do it as a favor to me.' She hadn't been out for quite some time now, thanks to being the all-time trouble-magnet that she was. So just some over-time at work was perfect enough for her, at least for the moment. Yet, she said yes. So, there she was picking out an outfit like any other ordinary day at work. After all, she wasn't expecting anything.

The day went by in a jiffy and suddenly, it was 9pm. He had texted her an hour before and she knew she'd better leave or she'll be late. Arriving at the bar, she noticed him, but pretended not to. She was blushing as if it were her first date ever.

What would you like to have? The first question as soon as they settled. She ordered a gin tonic and he, a rum & coke. She was trying to run all the questions in her head. Rehearsing, thinking if she should skip awkward conversations. Re-iterating every sentence in her head as if it was a job interview & not a date. It was maybe the drinks or him, but it took no time for the conversation to become easy, the topics common and the hands were talking in a language of their own.

As much as she wanted to continue the conversation, they had to leave as the bar was closing. It was 1 am and he insisted to drop her. Another hour of chatter in the cab, when it was finally time to get off the car. He got down, helped her out and took her hands in his. "It was a lovely evening, he said, I had a great time." Then he leaned and kissed her. A few seconds of pure passion, pure love, no expectations. No Fairy Tale romance. No dreams of happily ever after. In that moment, it was just that. A simple kiss. He said goodbye when her eyes were still closed. She stood there while he left and began thinking.

Not all love stories are meant to last forever. But that does not mean it wasn't love. It just means that they were not meant to be novels but short stories. That, however, does not make them any less epic, any less love. She came back upstairs and started to jot down her short story..

फिर से वही सपना..

फिर से वही सपना.. फिर से आँख खुली, और खुद को उसी मोड़ पर पाया। चार दिन बीते हो या चार महीने, उस दर्द का एहसास आज भी वही था जो उस दिन बस में बैठ कर आँखों से झलक रहा था। 
सोच कर फिर से पलंग पर बैठ गयी मैं और खुद से पुछा, क्या कर रही थी मैं अपने साथ। किस तरह से जी रही थी। क्या यही अरमान खुद के लिए संजोये थे? क्या यही मंजिल खुद के लिए चुनी थी? क्या यही रुकना चाहती थी मैं?
जहाँ एक तरफ अपने आप से हार चुकी थी, वहीँ दूसरी तरफ झुकना नहीं चाहती थी। जहाँ एक तरफ दिल टूट चुका था, वहीँ उसे संभालना भी चाहती थी।  जहाँ एक तरफ वो जा चुका था, वहीँ उसके पास भी जाना चाहती थी। क्या करू, शायद इस बार आगे नहीं बढ़ना चाहती थी, शायद इस बार यही मेरी कहानी थी। यही शुरुवात, यही अंतिम किस्सा था मेरी किताब का।  

पर इस किताब को लिख कौन रहा था? मैं या मेरा खुदा ? इस कहानी के पात्र काल्पनिक नहीं व्यक्तिगत थे।  इस कहानी के किस्से लिखे नहीं जिए गए थे।  हर एक आंसू सच में बहा था, हर एक हँसी खुल के सुनाई दी थी।  हर एक बार हाथ पकड़ने से धड़कन बढ़ी थी, सिर्फ पढ़ने वाले की नहीं, पर जीने वाले की भी।  फिर इस कहानी का अंत खुशनुमा होना गवारा क्यों नहीं था? इस में दिल टूटने का दर्द भी तो महसूस हुआ था। 

पर अब फिर से करवट पलटी, तो ये सोचा। अगले किस्से का तो पता नहीं, पर ये वक़्त बहुत एहम है।  टूटे दिल का तो पता नहीं, उसके आगे के पन्ने पर लफ्ज़ बहुत सहेज के लिखने पड़ेंगे मुझे। क्योंकि उनकी छाप मेरे ही जीवन पर पड़ेगी, उनका ज़िक्र मेरे ही ज़हन में होगा।  उनके निशान मेरे ही जिस्म पर दिखेंगे। आंसू का तो पता नहीं वो मुस्कराहट कायम रहनी चाहिए।  प्यार हासिल हो न हो, वो विश्वास कामिल रहना चाहिए।  मुकम्मल हो न हो, इश्क़ का जूनून रहना चाहिए।

आँखे बंद की तो खुद पर कुछ गर्व सा हुआ। शायद वहीँ सपना दिल दहला के फिर से नींद खोल दे, पर उस सपने को हँस के फिर से गले लगाने की हिम्मत होनी चाहिए।

Don’t let him go..

Don’t let him go., her heart said.. Don’t let him go, the heartbeat echoed. Don’t let him go said her courage and her tears reverberate the same.

How often in life do you stumble across people or things that you don’t want to let go of? There might be moments; like when you get your 1^st Barbie. Or your first result or recitations, such moments are stuck with you in your heart, etched in your memory forever. You don’t want to pass out of school and miss your friends. Further ahead in time, you don’t want to let go of the fun carefree college life.

Similarly you find people in life you don’t want to let go of. Your parents, your favourite cousin. He can be a brother from another mother or your best friend who knows all your secrets. An arch enemy who makes your life fun is equally memorable and required. And of course, the innumerable people you have a crush on.

You move on with everything, you get up after losing everyone. Your best friend gets married to her childhood sweetheart and gets a new life.

Your best friend gets busy in his business and gets busy. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to go for further studies and you have to take a tough call on the same.

Life moves on, you learn to let go, learn to live in absence. Learn to accept.

However, there are some people in life you don’t want to let go of. Some people who are worth every damn effort you need to keep them together. People who deserve every chance that you are capable of giving. Every single smile or tear spent for them.

However, do not mistake this as your weakness. In fact, it’s the most powerful you will ever be. Because it teaches you resilience, teaches you to leave your ego aside and be ready to put your needs secondary to someone. It teaches you to be humble. It teaches you to be strong and gives you the strength to stand up to what your heart says. And nothing else will give you that strength except for pure love. Love for your friends, for your life, for your parents. Love for people who make your smile worthwhile, who make you feel valued, who make their world revolve around yours.

Step forward, make a move, ask the questions. Don’t sit back because it’s easy, don’t wait until it passes. Don’t leave it thinking it wasn’t meant to be..

So, don’t let him go. Not when you know your love is strong enough. Not when you know he is worth enough. Not when you know you can stand up for it. 

Don’t let him go. Not without a fight at least..!!

No Regrets..

It was one of those days, when I sat in retrospection. I looked back at life and wondered what went right and what didn't. I asked myself what I would like to change if I get a chance. Would I want to redo anything in a different manner? If I had powers to revisit the past like the protagonist of About Time, would I want to go back again and again or do things repetitively, just to get a specific outcome?

Strangely enough, I couldn’t think of anything I would want to change in any manner, in any phase, with anyone.

For every fight I had, I know it made me define my priorities and shed my ego for the people I love. They in turn showed me the wonderful things I have to be loved. Every failure gave me the will to get up and find a new avenue to excel at or improve. Every romance told me how to love with all my heart while the heartbreaks taught me how to mend myself.

Every time I sneaked out of the house or was caught drunk, I knew how to keep myself sober the next time.

Each time I let myself vulnerable, it said I am human and it’s okay to be open to risks. Every city taught me how to build a home. Every scar said I dared, every tan line proved I gave myself a chance.

So while every day, each life has its ups and downs; if it hadn’t been this way, I would not be what I am today. I have my quirks and my flips. But proudly, I have no regrets..!!

Habits..

Habits are hard to let go. These can be small & harmless ones like getting up late or not missing your gym. Or worse, ones like smoking or working late nights.
They become such an integral part of your system, your routine or your existence, that even a single deviation in the path makes you feel strange.

The presence of somebody in your life, might also be another one of these dangerous habits. You get used to them being a part of your life cycle. Their existence is like a given. You fight with them, scream at them, love them, hate them. Yet you never realize that you might be taking them for granted. Or you might get so used to them, that even the idea of them not being a part of your life doesn't cross your mind

Habits are very hard to be broken. It gets very difficult to look at the other perspective and gather the courage and willingness to step up & break the monotony, the routine. You might want to get up early, but the insomnia doesn't let you sleep at night. You might want to quit smoking, but your body craves for it, your hand moves into the pocket, you need one to aid your digestive system in the least. You can even bet on breaking the habit of not making fun of your friends, but you let it go just because you have to make fun of the girl he's dating (Love Chandler but can't forget Elizabeth Hornswaggle in FRIENDS)

 Getting out of people is harder, for they form a part of you. From maybe just calling to wake you up to not being able to sleep without spooning them. From a booty call to a long distance relationship. From sleeping while holding your girlfriend's hands, to sleeping on your mother's lap. Each one of these habits is like normalcy, and a single blip in the life cycle graph shakes you to the core.
Not always can you bring the graph back to where it was, not always do you want to. Sometimes, there's actually a need of that variation. To make you realize that it is more than just a habit. Its your anchor, your safe zone. It can be both your normalcy or your complacency. All you have to do is place them in the right buckets.

Because, some habits die hard. Some habits have to be killed to be sane in this world. But then there are some habits, that always remain..

You are like a habit to me.. If I remove "H" a bit remains, I remove "a" and bit remains, I remove "b", hell, it still remains..

The Flower..

As much as I love fiction, I have never been good at fabricating it. I get mesmerized by what people write but my writing is void of any form of imagination whatsoever. Thus, whatever I write seems normal when I re-read it. But then I write from my life. I try to fit in every important piece of my life into my writing, and that's why it remains non fancy.. Just plain, simple, vanilla.

Last week, I left Ahmedabad in hope of another such normal weekend in Bombay (sue me but it'll always remain Bombay for me). I was to meet my Bhaiya & Bhabhi visiting from the US. I knew they were cool but then what "out-of-line" fun would a person living in a dry state expect from an elder brother & sister-in-law.

But somehow, it turned out to be the most wonderful weekend I had in the last few months. And thanks to both of them, it turned a new leaf in my life.

In those few days, they taught me how a person can rise to great heights despite the gravest falls. All you need, is to stand up again. They taught me how I was holding onto life too hard, expecting so much out of everything I do. They taught me to remember to give to the world and the universe will always give back. I used to laugh on the way he tipped at the hotel, but his logic made me think back on my values.
We hail from the land where spirituality is traded for money and their idea of peace is so wonderful and easily achievable that those 3 days, I did not feel the urge to touch my cell-phone even once.
We didn't go out clubbing, we did not visit shrines. The hotel room was solace & nothing else.. Their idea of giving best at work, spending time with family, appreciating each other, living life is so divine that I could not keep myself from blending into their colors.

He said one thing to me, "Remember the flower did not worry about attracting the bee. It concentrated on itself and just bloomed and the bee was attracted to it. Be the amazing flower that I know you are. Love you. Stay awesome & bloom."

And I know, wherever I go, this will go with me.. Being the flower.
Me. Plain and simple..

The innocence of his smile..

A Pink printed cap adorning that little devil's head while he tried to dance around the pole in the metro. He was extremely sweet, yet naughty at the same time. The more he tried to sound innocent, his actions seemed equally notorious.
Almost fell down a few times as he kept cracking jokes with his mom. Talking about his play school, fighting over the spelling he would spell aloud to boast the knowledge of his recent lessons.
"Spell 7", his mother asked. 
"No, 7 bahut lamba hai" was the reply she got.
"Acha, 6 bata do" and all she got was a smirk.

It was only after I brought the count all the way down to 1, that he started ranting out.
"O-N-E"
2 was next and he automatically stated "T-W-O" and so began the spell bee until we reached 7 in the right order.
All was going smoothly until their station arrived. His mother had by now forgotten the count of stations as she was reveling in pride for her little devil. As the doors were about to close, she grabbed him by his sweater and dashed towards the gate, laughing all through, leaving me with this amazing laugh, a beautiful smile.
A reminder of how simple & innocent childhood is. And a need to jot it down..