Don’t let him go..

Don’t let him go., her heart said.. Don’t let him go, the heartbeat echoed. Don’t let him go said her courage and her tears reverberate the same.

How often in life do you stumble across people or things that you don’t want to let go of? There might be moments; like when you get your 1^st Barbie. Or your first result or recitations, such moments are stuck with you in your heart, etched in your memory forever. You don’t want to pass out of school and miss your friends. Further ahead in time, you don’t want to let go of the fun carefree college life.

Similarly you find people in life you don’t want to let go of. Your parents, your favourite cousin. He can be a brother from another mother or your best friend who knows all your secrets. An arch enemy who makes your life fun is equally memorable and required. And of course, the innumerable people you have a crush on.

You move on with everything, you get up after losing everyone. Your best friend gets married to her childhood sweetheart and gets a new life.

Your best friend gets busy in his business and gets busy. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to go for further studies and you have to take a tough call on the same.

Life moves on, you learn to let go, learn to live in absence. Learn to accept.

However, there are some people in life you don’t want to let go of. Some people who are worth every damn effort you need to keep them together. People who deserve every chance that you are capable of giving. Every single smile or tear spent for them.

However, do not mistake this as your weakness. In fact, it’s the most powerful you will ever be. Because it teaches you resilience, teaches you to leave your ego aside and be ready to put your needs secondary to someone. It teaches you to be humble. It teaches you to be strong and gives you the strength to stand up to what your heart says. And nothing else will give you that strength except for pure love. Love for your friends, for your life, for your parents. Love for people who make your smile worthwhile, who make you feel valued, who make their world revolve around yours.

Step forward, make a move, ask the questions. Don’t sit back because it’s easy, don’t wait until it passes. Don’t leave it thinking it wasn’t meant to be..

So, don’t let him go. Not when you know your love is strong enough. Not when you know he is worth enough. Not when you know you can stand up for it. 

Don’t let him go. Not without a fight at least..!!

No Regrets..

It was one of those days, when I sat in retrospection. I looked back at life and wondered what went right and what didn't. I asked myself what I would like to change if I get a chance. Would I want to redo anything in a different manner? If I had powers to revisit the past like the protagonist of About Time, would I want to go back again and again or do things repetitively, just to get a specific outcome?

Strangely enough, I couldn’t think of anything I would want to change in any manner, in any phase, with anyone.

For every fight I had, I know it made me define my priorities and shed my ego for the people I love. They in turn showed me the wonderful things I have to be loved. Every failure gave me the will to get up and find a new avenue to excel at or improve. Every romance told me how to love with all my heart while the heartbreaks taught me how to mend myself.

Every time I sneaked out of the house or was caught drunk, I knew how to keep myself sober the next time.

Each time I let myself vulnerable, it said I am human and it’s okay to be open to risks. Every city taught me how to build a home. Every scar said I dared, every tan line proved I gave myself a chance.

So while every day, each life has its ups and downs; if it hadn’t been this way, I would not be what I am today. I have my quirks and my flips. But proudly, I have no regrets..!!

Habits..

Habits are hard to let go. These can be small & harmless ones like getting up late or not missing your gym. Or worse, ones like smoking or working late nights.
They become such an integral part of your system, your routine or your existence, that even a single deviation in the path makes you feel strange.

The presence of somebody in your life, might also be another one of these dangerous habits. You get used to them being a part of your life cycle. Their existence is like a given. You fight with them, scream at them, love them, hate them. Yet you never realize that you might be taking them for granted. Or you might get so used to them, that even the idea of them not being a part of your life doesn't cross your mind

Habits are very hard to be broken. It gets very difficult to look at the other perspective and gather the courage and willingness to step up & break the monotony, the routine. You might want to get up early, but the insomnia doesn't let you sleep at night. You might want to quit smoking, but your body craves for it, your hand moves into the pocket, you need one to aid your digestive system in the least. You can even bet on breaking the habit of not making fun of your friends, but you let it go just because you have to make fun of the girl he's dating (Love Chandler but can't forget Elizabeth Hornswaggle in FRIENDS)

 Getting out of people is harder, for they form a part of you. From maybe just calling to wake you up to not being able to sleep without spooning them. From a booty call to a long distance relationship. From sleeping while holding your girlfriend's hands, to sleeping on your mother's lap. Each one of these habits is like normalcy, and a single blip in the life cycle graph shakes you to the core.
Not always can you bring the graph back to where it was, not always do you want to. Sometimes, there's actually a need of that variation. To make you realize that it is more than just a habit. Its your anchor, your safe zone. It can be both your normalcy or your complacency. All you have to do is place them in the right buckets.

Because, some habits die hard. Some habits have to be killed to be sane in this world. But then there are some habits, that always remain..

You are like a habit to me.. If I remove "H" a bit remains, I remove "a" and bit remains, I remove "b", hell, it still remains..

The Flower..

As much as I love fiction, I have never been good at fabricating it. I get mesmerized by what people write but my writing is void of any form of imagination whatsoever. Thus, whatever I write seems normal when I re-read it. But then I write from my life. I try to fit in every important piece of my life into my writing, and that's why it remains non fancy.. Just plain, simple, vanilla.

Last week, I left Ahmedabad in hope of another such normal weekend in Bombay (sue me but it'll always remain Bombay for me). I was to meet my Bhaiya & Bhabhi visiting from the US. I knew they were cool but then what "out-of-line" fun would a person living in a dry state expect from an elder brother & sister-in-law.

But somehow, it turned out to be the most wonderful weekend I had in the last few months. And thanks to both of them, it turned a new leaf in my life.

In those few days, they taught me how a person can rise to great heights despite the gravest falls. All you need, is to stand up again. They taught me how I was holding onto life too hard, expecting so much out of everything I do. They taught me to remember to give to the world and the universe will always give back. I used to laugh on the way he tipped at the hotel, but his logic made me think back on my values.
We hail from the land where spirituality is traded for money and their idea of peace is so wonderful and easily achievable that those 3 days, I did not feel the urge to touch my cell-phone even once.
We didn't go out clubbing, we did not visit shrines. The hotel room was solace & nothing else.. Their idea of giving best at work, spending time with family, appreciating each other, living life is so divine that I could not keep myself from blending into their colors.

He said one thing to me, "Remember the flower did not worry about attracting the bee. It concentrated on itself and just bloomed and the bee was attracted to it. Be the amazing flower that I know you are. Love you. Stay awesome & bloom."

And I know, wherever I go, this will go with me.. Being the flower.
Me. Plain and simple..

The innocence of his smile..

A Pink printed cap adorning that little devil's head while he tried to dance around the pole in the metro. He was extremely sweet, yet naughty at the same time. The more he tried to sound innocent, his actions seemed equally notorious.
Almost fell down a few times as he kept cracking jokes with his mom. Talking about his play school, fighting over the spelling he would spell aloud to boast the knowledge of his recent lessons.
"Spell 7", his mother asked. 
"No, 7 bahut lamba hai" was the reply she got.
"Acha, 6 bata do" and all she got was a smirk.

It was only after I brought the count all the way down to 1, that he started ranting out.
"O-N-E"
2 was next and he automatically stated "T-W-O" and so began the spell bee until we reached 7 in the right order.
All was going smoothly until their station arrived. His mother had by now forgotten the count of stations as she was reveling in pride for her little devil. As the doors were about to close, she grabbed him by his sweater and dashed towards the gate, laughing all through, leaving me with this amazing laugh, a beautiful smile.
A reminder of how simple & innocent childhood is. And a need to jot it down..

A Scary World out there..

Life goes on.. With its ups and downs.. We rise and we fall. Every topsy-turvy scares us a little.

Fear is something we live with, at every moment of life. From your first shrill cry to your very last breath, every step is associated with fear. Every change begins with the possibility and presence of fear.

Yes I am scared today. Scared of how it went. Scared of my current situation and myself. I am scared I might have lost the spark in myself. Scared that I might have given up. Scared that I may not get up this time.

I am also scared of tomorrow. Of how I would not be able to live up to expectations. Scared I might never achieve my goals. Scared that the world might not change. Or worse it will change and I may not be able to cope up.

Fear.. has become more of a companion now, than something to be scared of..

But this fear, also creates will.. This fear creates strength. To get up, to fight again, to not let go..

Fear is what brings out the worst in people.. But it also brings out the best. 

It brings out the real you..

Love.. At least at the moment..

I may seem to be sort of obsessed with Farhan's poetic verses.. But here was another one and how this one changed my resistance to loving again..

एक बात है जो होठों तक आयी नहीं , बस आँखों से है झाँकती।

तुमसे कभी, मुझसे कभी, कुछ लव्ज़ है वो मांगती। 

        जिनको पहन के होठों तक आजाये वो,

        आवाज़ की बाहों में बाहें डाल के इठलाये वो।
लेकिन जो ये एक बात है , एहसास ही एहसास है।
खुश्बू सी है जैसे हवा में तैरती।

        खुश्बू  जो बेआवाज़ है 

जिसका पता तुमको भी है, जिसकी खबर मुझको भी है
छुपाये से भी छुपता नहीं, ये जाने कैसा राज़ है...

Love is a strange place to be in.. You want it and you hate it at the same time. It may take just 3 months to fall or several years before you even realize that you love that person. And sometimes its just too late a realization.

Love can make you do crazy things. It can make you take that trip that you could not afford. It can make you write poetry and make sense. It can make you cook breakfast and feel happy about it.
It can make you smile from the inside. Feel peaceful. Feel serene, yet be impatient or eager at the same time.

You understand that when you lay in their arms and think of nothing but them. You feel that when your eyes are drooping, yet you wanna stay up and watch them sleep. You feel that when their eyes are searching only for you. You feel that when you don't wanna let go. When your fingers are entwined and you feel how well they fit in.

You fall for their crooked smile or that twinkle in their eyes when they look at you. You fall for that hug or the way they send a kiss over a text message. You fall for the way they pull you or the way they seem confused at times..

And it doesn't matter if you are still carrying your past baggage, everyone has them. You leave them and move beyond to another chance, another hit at happiness. Because you never know whats happening tomorrow. You think you have eternity to find your perfect match, but people are not perfect and you never have the eternity.

You may be a career person, but you want to come home tired and sleep in their arms. You might hate getting up early until and unless its their kiss you wake up to. You can be opposites or similar.
When its love, nothing matters. Every reason falls apart..

So this one's for you my dear.. I don't know yet if I am emotionally involved or not. I don't know if I have fallen head over heels for you. I don't even know the technicality of "love" I have for you.
All I know is that love is not supposed to be that complicated. Its just supposed to be love. So I may not be your happily ever after. I may not be destined to grow old with you. I may not have all that and the other things ahead. Still I wanna try us. With disclaimers, with terms n conditions, even if you promise to run as soon as it burns. I wanna try us, because my heart never said no to it. And it might be a step to getting hurt, but that's a risk I am willing to take..

Because I know I'll have you. And I know that's enough, at least for the moment..