Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Afraid of the Dark..

6 yrs ago I got my new room. I decorated it as a kid.. Rainbow on one wall, purple color on the other. Glow-in-the-dark fairies on one wall and stars on the ceiling.
Wind-chimes, Photo-frames, Soft-toys and what not..

I used to love sleeping under my starry sky, with my teddy bear; thinking, contemplating, laughing, crying, smiling, frowning and sometimes even trying to count the stars in my sky.

I used to love when they used to glow, because they were my silver lining and the cloud too.. The fairies were my angels, who listened to my whines when I cried over something silly, or witnesses to my solo mischief.
I saw myself better in the darkness than in artificial or natural light..

I used to switch off my lights and venture into my dark room every night, knowing it was not dark all the way. Knowing that my stars and my angels are there with me..

But as this "half a decade" passed, I have grown Afraid of the dark..
Afraid to even look at my stars or talk to my angels. Afraid that I may get alone, afraid to go into my thinking mode, afraid to contemplate.

I go to bed when my eyes cannot stay open anymore, when I'm almost dead on my feet. So that I do not have to think of that incident that made me sad, or to keep myself from thinking aloud with my fairies, because they might tell me what a horrible person I have become.

I have moved away from the dark, to stay away from knowing myself, from knowing what I really want, because the society won't accept it.

Last night when the electricity was cut off, I saw it flicker off. My eyes witnessed my room going from full of light to the stars shining bright into my eyes..

As if they were calling me for another rendezvous. But as usual, I was afraid of them, afraid that they might compel me to come out with my deepest desires and I would not be able to face myself later..

So I lit my candles, trying to push my stars away from my sky. Trying to stay Afraid of the dark..